It is no secret that anything unexpected in life is stressful. You suddenly get laid off from that job you love or your partner breaks up with you and your whole world is now falling apart. How about pregnancy, though? To me this is the ultimate slap in the face when having a baby was not in the foreseeable future. But, to make matters more stressful, how about you add the fact that this pregnancy happened with an ex you are no longer in a relationship with. Yep. That sh*t sucks! Well, at least the initial realization did.

It was almost a year ago that my ex/baby’s father and I had broken up. Despite how hard it was it was mutual. Of course, there is way more to this story, but I will save that for another time. I was so heartbroken and felt so betrayed. I am no stranger to heartache, and I just did not want to feel that pain again and go through what I knew would take many months to heal. So of course, I chose the course that many choose in order to try and ease the pain after a breakup. That’s right. Friends with benefits. Now if you have not dabbled in this space before, first great never try it, but secondly, it is a losing game. It will almost always end in more pain than when you started it. At the time I felt that this was the answer. If I were to hook up with him then surely, he would not want to pursue another girl right?! He would still stay in love with me and not move on! Of course this was the mindset I had, but we all know that a breakup usually happens for a reason and let me just tell you that reason was a serious one so I was playing with fire (more on that another time). Then it happened. The moment I thought I would never experience until I was happily married. I found out I was pregnant. Let me just say that in that moment I have never felt more blindsided. As I was staring at the two lines on my bathroom counter I started to sink to the floor. “No…no this is not real”. I sat there in silence staring at the test for a solid 15 minutes before I came to my senses. After calming down and realizing this was actually happening, I reminded myself how I have always wanted to be a mom and knew that from this moment on I now was on my way to motherhood whether I felt ready or not, this baby was happening.

If you have found yourself in a similar situation as me, I want to take a moment to tell you to breathe. The hormones, spinning thoughts, what-ifs, EVERYTHING is overwhelming. But I also want you to know that it does get better. Sorry for that annoying cliche, but it really is true. Fast forward nine months and I am weeks away from meeting my little girl and I have never been more excited for anything in my life! Sure I would be lying if I said I was not nervous, but this pregnancy journey has made me grow in ways I never thought I had in me. I have always seen myself as strong person, but let me tell you that now I don’t even recognize the girl I was. Sure, she was strong and fiercely independent, but she is now masked by a woman that never existed should this fire inside her never have been lit guiding her to her true potential. You will feel this too. That moment of realizing your power and your worth. Feeling as though everything you questioned before suddenly all makes sense. It’s like life suddenly has meaning and understanding. I know this feeling will only grow ten-fold once I hold my little girl in my arms, and trust me mama, I know you will feel the exact same way!

Entering this journey to motherhood has not been easy, especially with how everything may have went down. But becoming a mom is one of life’s greatest gifts and while you may not feel ready for it, trust me when I say this is one of those things in life that while may have blindsided us, we can find comfort in knowing that being a mom is something that comes naturally to many. After those nine months of growing your little one and feeling those beautiful baby kicks along the way, trust me when I say that while your heart may be bruised and your world turned upside down, by the end of it those layers will be shed and a whole new person born of love and strength will shine through.